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Post by Aries Harper on Jun 15, 2018 1:00:54 GMT
It is strange to be back from the forest.
My childhood in Trinsic taught me deceit. I grew up admiring the Dark Cloaks, watching political intrigue, and following in the footsteps of Drow. When guilt and confusion drove me away from Stonekeep, I do not even know who I was. A monster, someone who would bring danger into the bed of a person I cared for. A spy, who meddled into the affairs of anyone and tried to turn it to the advantage of ... who? Nothing we have learned has ever amounted to anything. I betrayed people for naught.
I was a girl from the Shades who joined the Guardsmen Militia for my own half-understood reasons before.
I returned a true Yewish Waywatcher.
I feel more for these forests and for my purpose than I ever did before. We are meant to protect the forest, the people who travel the roads, and the Guardsmen. Everything else is just theater.
Today I removed my costume.
I don't care what happens with Raiden. My conscience is clear at last. For once I know I am walking on the right path. I will not skulk in his shadow and betray his secrets. While we are allies, I will care for him as much as I can. Our lives are short and brutal enough as it is without taking away the small comfort we do find.
I will write more soon just so I do not forget it. If someone does find this - someone who can read - then ... hello. Put me back when you're finished reading.
Aries Harper, Rookie Waywatcher Guard
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Post by Aries Harper on Jun 15, 2018 23:53:15 GMT
Spent some time in some vicious hell today. I considered making myself scarce, but figured it would be best if Nadia's first sight of me in iron was around a big crowd. She didn't say anything until we were back in Stonekeep, and it blew over quickly. I would have done something to disappoint her one way or another. I hope the other girls have more luck. As for me, I have no regrets.
I have been working on my healing. Despite Vandor’s insistence that you just throw a bandage on someone and wait for the healers arrive, I feel like it is important.
“Healing” seems like the wrong word for it, though. Usually I am just leading animals into danger, giving them a sedative, and then stitching their wounds closed before sending them off to a butcher.
When I was made an Ironarm, Sergeant Wilkes suggested that I could join the Marksmen. I don’t know if he has realized that I have never shot a bow. Well, that’s not true. I shot an arrow once while goofing around with Cordelia Wilkes. It landed in Raiden Morana, by some twist of fate. She took the fall, claiming it was Cupid’s arrow and firing one at me for good measure.
I should thank Cordy for that - for all of it.
Raiden said he wanted to see me out of my leather several days back (what a dog). Well, I am out of my leather. That will teach him to make bawdy jokes. If he says he wants to see me out of chain mail, I will become a Besieger.
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Post by Aries Harper on Jun 17, 2018 10:35:27 GMT
After my recent practice with sutures, I decided that I should encourage my friends in the Guardsmen Militia to develop their own skills. The only mistake was spending so much money on farm animals for them to butcher. As a learning experience, I think no one took so much value from it as I did. I learned that if I get hurt, I should damn well do my own sutures. If Nadia poisons me and I require a quick death, however, I should ask Kros. He seems to know just where to cut.
Speaking of Nadia killing me, I went to Cove. I was terrified to walk inside the barracks. I watched from the trees, my heart pounding so loud I could barely hear. At last I forced myself to walk inside. In the middle floor, I could hear Raiden’s voice above. I paused to listen - old habit. When I realized I was doing it, I forced myself to keep walking.
I went to tell him that I am an Ironarm. I couldn’t let him find out some other way and be unable to hide his shock. That was the right choice. He looked like he had been struck when he saw me. The decision to become an Ironarm was mine, though. I chose to walk in the light rather than to creep in the shadows.
He asked if I’m happy. I truly am. The only fear, the only dark spot, is -
I won’t focus on that for now.
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Post by Aries Harper on Jun 19, 2018 6:27:51 GMT
After a long day patrolling the forests for brigands and liches, I went into Stonekeep to gather anyone around and go see a play in Cove. Only Lariss was there. I considered taking away her entire pack but decided to leave it. She has little enough as it is. After wrestling her into a shirt that she accidentally shredded with a knife, we set off to Cove.
Raiden made cheeky little comments about how he was glad the play would be over soon and I barely kept from elbowing him (good thing I did - more on that later). It was stressful enough enjoying the play while Tripps tried to teach Lariss to lob firebombs in a crowd of people. I think he succeeded because at a certain point the entire stage went up in flames. It was either Tripps or the Avatar, who was probably irritated at being called on by the actors for such stupid crap.
Anyway, the play was great. Afterward, I listened to a tale by Keres while he drank something called "rulk." He said it was rum and milk. I doubt that more than I doubt his absurd story. Who would drink rum and milk?
I realized how bad I am at protecting my left side when Raiden returned to the Goblin with a woman. I kept my eye on him while she disappeared behind me. I thought she was on her way behind the bar. Suddenly I heard a voice to my left - “If you hurt him, I’ll kill you.” My heart nearly stopped. (Thank goodness I kept my elbows to myself before.)
Raiden tried to reassure me that Kelly is a good friend, loyal, protective, - I write “tried” because I didn’t need reassuring. There are worse people around than me. If she protects him so viciously, then I want her by his side. I know he will protect her as well.
I miss Cordy.
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Post by Aries Harper on Jun 24, 2018 0:23:43 GMT
I dreamt it again.
“Aries!” someone shouts, and I turn.
Something punches me in the chest. I’m on my back before I realize it was an arrow.
I went off to Cove for a bit of training. Honestly, I’m awful. Poor Tripps. He did better once I was out. I wish I was joking. I am not used to fighting in heavy armor and standing still. I suppose I will have to learn now, though. If I don’t, he and Wilkes are going to stop letting me out of Yew so I don’t embarrass them.
After the training, we stood around talking for a while, mostly about people I don’t know - Damien, Valentine (the man from the other night?). A little about Klion D’Gar. I have some new gossip for Lady D’Gar. A bored drow isn’t good for anyone’s health.
It is so strange for everyone to know that I am with Raiden. After living as a Waywatcher and generally keeping to myself for so long in the Militia, I’m not used to the teasing about my personal life. I’m not even used to having a “personal” life. Nothing happened to me that I didn’t think - do I need to report this? Is this important information? Should I tell my entire division about this private conversation?
Never again, though. Some things are only for me.
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Post by Aries Harper on Jun 25, 2018 7:37:04 GMT
Sometimes I wonder why there aren’t more women in the militia.
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Post by Aries Harper on Jun 26, 2018 8:21:16 GMT
There is so much to write.
Stonekeep was empty. I found Raiden. He didn’t recognize where we walked, a common place for weddings in the forests of Yew. A wall went up between us when I mentioned that.
I was irritated. He thought I was hinting? That I want to walk out of the forest and immediately down the aisle? If only that had been what was bothering him.
That wasn't it.
Something continued to bother him until at last he asked me to just listen. I promised I would, even though all I wanted was to run. I could tell something awful was about to happen.
He told me so slowly that by the time he said the words, I could have been sick.
He’s married.
Just like my dream, it came out of nowhere. I didn’t think it would be him to hurt me.
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Post by Aries Harper on Jun 28, 2018 6:55:05 GMT
Last night the Covians joined us for a hunt. From the beginning to the end, the evening was perfect.
Raiden winked when he arrived with the others. I swear he does it just to watch me blush. I turned away, embarrassed, to see Tripps - all black in his armor with the evening sun behind him, offering me a box.
I wasn’t expecting a rose or anything. It’s Tripps. Inside the box was the biggest hammer I’ve ever seen. “You’ll need it,” he assured me.
He was right!
Tripps offered us the choice between “interesting” and “very interesting.” Our Covian guests chose —honestly, I’m not sure there actually were two options. We ran off to Humility, all fifteen or so of us, sounding like a barrel of nails rolling down a hill.
We fought off a bunch of monsters pretty casually at first. Once I nearly smacked into Raiden as I turned. “Alright, lass?” he asked. He didn’t seem worried, though. He knew I was alright. He knew because he was making sure of it.
That is how the whole evening went. Everywhere I turned, there he was.
Tripps was right. It was difficult, but we could handle it. When at last the succubus (which Tiberius encouraged Raiden to seduce...) fell, everyone was whooping and hollaring. Orders sent us back to the gate, but Raiden lingered to watch over me while I lingered to watch over all the others.
I don’t know how I felt before tonight. Numb, but accepting. I was the only person, and then I wasn’t. I was the only one, and then I lost to someone I never even saw coming. She died young and beloved. I’m alive, with all that entails - saying the wrong thing, bruising when I mean only to touch.
But it’s hard to feel that I’ve lost anything when I still have everything.
 Everywhere I turn, there he is.
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Post by Aries Harper on Jul 4, 2018 5:40:18 GMT
I went on a training with some, but that’s not important - I already wrote a report on that.
What matters is what Tripps said to me. I joked that I had a reputation before. Uncaring. Unaffected. Someone called me a Waywatcher golem. I thought I was a little nontraditional, less friendly than my peers.
But he said, “That’s Watchers for you. Cold and heartless. You have to be, to do the job.”
Those words cut through me. Cold and heartless. I did fit the mold.
Back when I became a Waywatcher, I never would have believed that Tripps would one day be walking me through discovering who I am without them. I thought I knew Tripps. In my obsessive way of trying to paint a whole picture, I thought I knew everyone. But Tripps wants a family with his wife, and he wants them to be safer and better off than he was. He questions what he is ordered to do.
I wanted nothing, and I questioned nothing. Was I even a person before I met Raiden? Did I feel anything at all before he persisted in making me whole?
Tripps laughed when I said it must take time to find yourself. I’m years behind even starting to look. His suggestion: Look at the road I want to take, and look at what I want to find at the other end. Everywhere I turn...
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Post by Aries Harper on Jul 5, 2018 7:42:27 GMT
The other day, Kelly gave me a key to this place of hers. Probably she’s just taking pity on me since I am in Cove half the time and it’s a long walk back to Yew, but she seemed really excited to show me the place. I can only imagine what chaos there will be with Hoagie, Raiden, and Kelly all sleeping within a stone’s throw of one another.
Talking with Tripps made me realize that I was afraid of not knowing everything. A Waywatcher never goes into a situation unprepared. I never just barged into a conversation. I sat and listened. As often as not, I said nothing, and left with no one knowing I was there. Now I walk blindly into anything. Well... Half-blindly.
Speaking of walking half-blindly into trouble, us Guardsmen went to Cove tonight because they were having some kind of craft fair. We arrived only to see several of the attendees baked out of their gourds. Larynda, sober, extolled the virtues of the ugliest bluest statue I have ever seen. “It represents duality,” she explained, while Saerandir showed me a charcoal drawing of he and I in a tree. Claiming me as his muse, some madman smashed the sculpture. I don’t know what that means for duality.
Everything really kicked off when Raiden arrested the art teacher. After shoveling shrooms into his mouth, one of these fools opened a moongate and ran through. Tripps, in his desire for adventure, barged through after him. I, in my desire to not explain his mysterious disappearance to Wilkes, barged in afterhim . Then it closed, leaving us stranded in Trinsic of all places. We only made it back when the same wytch, now suspiciously on fire after some rough treatment of Tripps, sent us back in another moongate. I would have hesitated to use that second gate, but we were on a roof and I didn’t want to break both my damn legs. I don’t run everywhere in metal armor and abstain from cake and bread only to break these gorgeous legs!
After all this trouble arresting them and everything, one of the Covian guards ended up setting them free in exchange for all the gold they had. Saerandir and I, the two people least qualified to handle this, didn’t handle it.
I thought Raiden was going to march right back to Cove when I told him, but he didn’t. Anyway, we spent the rest of the night a little out of step. Maybe if I stopped being so afraid that he will realize how terrible I am (can’t protect myself, worry too much, cowardly, spied on him for the greater portion of our relationship), both of us could get a little peace. It’s an idea for tomorrow.
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Post by Aries Harper on Jul 10, 2018 4:19:03 GMT
I am a real idiot.
Growing up I never had any reason to shoot a bow. Then after I was blinded in that one eye, I never even picked one up and attempted it. You need two eyes to shoot, don’t you? Two eyes to aim.
Not true, as I found out. Wilkes kind of forced a bow into my hand. He told me to close one eye, and I looked at him like he’d grown a second head. Close one eye? What the heck have I been avoiding a bow for (other than the fact that the only time I held one I nearly tore a great big hole through the peace of the moot)? Anyway, I shot and took out a window in the tavern. Tripps stalked closer and closer while I fumbled with a bolt, and when he lifted that mace to whack me, I scarpered. Took out another window while running away from him until finally I went back to the quarterstaff and held my ground with Wilkes. I think Tripps just didn’t want to see a bow in my hand. Expect I’ll have to pay for those damn windows, too.
As for Tripps, I do feel bad for him. We looked high and low for Tommy Nottinbury in Hythloth. Mostly low. Real low. I imagine that’s who he was thinking about when he asked if I ever found anyone when I was a Waywatcher. The thought of using my skills again... It’s a great big world, though. When Nottinbury wants to be found, he’ll be found.
Two busy days. Scorched by demons, chased around Stonekeep, pummeled in Shame. Raiden turned up in Stonekeep after it all. He won’t tell me what he said to Tripps, but... it doesn’t worry me. I trust them both. They really snuck up on me, those two.
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Post by Aries Harper on Jul 11, 2018 5:00:01 GMT
Swaggers was busy. What can ever be said about that? Raiden scolded me for going off at the mouth a little too much, saying he’s not as quick as he used to be. When I started counting and there were more weapons than I had fingers, it was time to go.
The moment he put his hands on me, I heard the door at Kelly’s house open. I wanted to go out the window, off the balcony, but he kept me in place with a look. I like to see him with other people, but her especially. She really gives him stick.
She likes me, but not all of them do. When some old Covian sees me, sneers (as happened today) and makes comments, I try to remember they’ve got a lifetime of grudges. I have so few.
Grudges. There is a scar on his cheek, bright as an apple. It’s the side I can see easily - his left, my right. A Besieger or an Ironarm did it, caved his helm in and tore into his cheek, and that was all he told me. What can I say about it? I have no words. Raiden could have done it to one of ours just as easily. Peace won't last forever. Am I weak enough that I would run away again? Am I strong enough not to? We’re all tangled up in this mess.
But then we’re together in that small room, a breeze blowing in off the bay. Bush crickets chirp so loud I can’t hear anything else - and all I can see is him.
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Post by Aries Harper on Jul 16, 2018 12:19:49 GMT
The church is back at it. They bounced a drow arcanist off the walls and carved her face up. I thought I’d be staying safely out of their line of sight, but Raiden stepped right up to meet them where they stood. For one brief moment I was stupidly, selfishly worried. Now I’m just (stupidly?) selfishly proud. I’m not eager for him to rumble with the church. It will put both of us at risk. But when I remember him telling Kobra (who didn’t need to be told, I’m sure) to fix her, kneeling over her, and then I know he’s willing to stand for her as well... How can I do anything but stand with him?
Utter madness in Cove. The Parade was a bit of an event, and I get the feeling it always is. I tried to make sense of the rank, but it seemed different from the Militia’s. Recruits in the back? Does the Baron just not want to look at Ting and Garshinkle? He shocked everyone with news of a rude letter he received in the post, then demoted the person in charge of his bodyguards - Keres, who told that great story about the “Panda.” The Baron alternately berated or honored people for a little while, then left to corner an unlucky citizen with his attempts at... decency? I can’t be sure.
After going on a wild goose chase through the church and tavern thanks to Palmer and Saerandir, I found Raiden completely legless on Kelly’s balcony. He’s so cool-headed all the time that I found his sour mood disarming, so I wasn’t ready for him to be gone before I woke in the morning. As soon as I saw his note, I felt a stab of cold in my heart. Then nothing.
I don't know why it scared me so badly, but the first thing I reach for when I am afraid is... old me. Whoever that was. Blank. It's the only defense I have against him. I was ready to run back to Yew just to escape this question of what to do, how to fix this great big problem I caused. He caught me on the stairs, looking sticky with saltwater and smiling like there was no problem at all.
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Post by Aries Harper on Jul 19, 2018 13:30:59 GMT
There is something nice about talking to Tripps. He knows things Raiden doesn’t, and he doesn’t seem to mind my uncertainty. If anything, there is something in him that feeds on that uncertainty. He is leading me in some direction slowly. I see it now where I didn’t before. I don’t know that he likes or dislikes the Waywatchers, but he thinks about them. He wants me to think about them, too.
It doesn’t stop there, though. Even if he doesn’t mean to, he treads across issues close to me. Why was I so cold before? I said that the worst of me thawed when I let Raiden in. He went a step further - “It’s more you love him than just let him in.” Hearing someone else say it so casually brought me up short. I treat Raiden like war is coming tomorrow and I might lose him. I shouldn’t even think that way. I should treat him like war is coming tomorrow, and I would do anything in my power to keep from losing him. It is time to stop acting like I am one scare away from hiding. I am completely in this.
Acting like it isn’t going to be easy. I felt silly the other day raising my concerns about this girl I met who goes by Mischief. I worded my question carefully - if she used to spy for him, did she do other things as well? He said no, nothing. Previously I would have swallowed my worry, but no longer. His safety matters. I won’t have him dragged into trouble by the questions of a careless spy, not when it is I who would have to live without him. When someone cares about you, you have to take responsibility for that. You can’t be careless with your life.
That means I have more to tell him, I suppose.
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Post by Aries Harper on Jul 21, 2018 14:29:41 GMT
*A page from another book is tucked into the journal sometime after the fact.* It wasn’t like my dream. There wasn’t even any pain. I didn’t have time to feel anything at all. I fell, my body shaking so hard I gave myself bruises. When the spasms subsided, the world was spinning. My mouth tasted like blood. I'd bitten my tongue. My ears rang from hitting my head so hard. “Hold still,” someone was saying. I don’t know if I obeyed. I saw Tripps and Raiden at the same time, then Sheri.Sheri made me remember. Sheri - in her armor which would protect her from a stab, she had said. I laughed at that when she said it. Now I am laughing at the irony that I should be stabbed not five minutes later. “You have your honor guard.” She looked toward them - Tripps and Raiden, stood in conversation with Wilkes. I was thinking of how good that day felt. The evening was quiet and pleasant. Raiden hadn’t made his way across the market to me yet, but I knew he would. There was no hurry. Then. It happened then. “Avatar watching over you, lass,” Sheri said as I looked up at her from the ground.Tripps forced me to drink bottle after bottle of sickly concoction until then he stuck his fingers down my throat. It came back in waves. Yellow, orange, all swirled with mead in a puddle of blood on the cobblestones. While Tripps cleaned the wounds, Raiden talked. The words barely penetrated my confusion. Drink it for him. Hold still. Don’t leave. Please don’t leave.Tripps told them to take me to Cove. Why not Yew? I could guess. Raiden was safest in Cove. I was safest with Raiden. And Tripps had a job to do - but before he left he looked at me, his face serious. I see it so rarely.“Remember what I told you. It’s the person.”I remember. |
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Post by Aries Harper on Jul 21, 2018 19:01:23 GMT
*A second page is tucked into the journal.* My memory is in tatters. I vomited over and over in a vase. Kelly punched Raiden in the mouth. I told him to go. Debated the stairs. The balcony. Ended up in Raiden’s room, but not before collapsing in the hallway. The dried blood didn’t leave a mark on the wall. Occasional convulsions stole my strength. It was all for nothing. He put me back, and she threw a blanket over me. Some time passed. Blood pooled on Raiden’s chin from his busted lip. When Tripps walked in, I forced myself up in bed. The poison was going to be strong, he warned me. Waywatcher strong. My lips went numb. I repeated him. Trial. Her. “Was Nadia,” he said. If I could have vomited again, I would have. Others visited, Pickles among them. I think Raiden wanted to clock someone in the jaw by then. Whatever she did hurt terribly, but I am sure it helped. For that, I will keep her confidence. She doesn’t even know what I overheard, and she will never will. I don’t want her to think I’m holding anything over her. Plus, I am not a Waywatcher anymore.Kelly returned. “We got a problem.” I listened to their voices through the wall. He returned with Pickles. The Waywatchers were around, perhaps trying to finish what Nadia started. Pickles got us out, and the guards remained behind so hopefully no one would know.
And now I’m in bed, writing on a piece of paper I haven’t made into a recruitment flyer yet. It hurts to move. It hurts even to breathe. I should feel unsafe, but I don’t. Tripps and Raiden weren’t right there. They won’t always be right there. But as soon as I was in danger, they closed ranks around me. I’ll remember that long after the pain of Nadia’s attack has faded. Whether she escapes (and I think she will - has any Waywatcher ever faced justice?) or she faces punishment, she won’t be able to take that from me. When I needed them, they were there.
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Post by Aries Harper on Jul 24, 2018 7:18:43 GMT
Nadia wanted me to die. I turn it over and over in my head, trying to make sense of it. She wanted me dead so badly that she risked her own life to achieve it. Have I ever wanted anything so much? Did I do the same, risking my life because I wanted Raiden? I didn’t think so at the time, and I’m sure she didn’t think she was risking her own when she attacked me. She thought she was better than she was. She was nearly right.
It was Wilkes who changed that. He did something that no one else there could, or did. He left me. He said he guessed what happened before I hit the deck. Even as I lay on the ground it didn’t occur to me. I never thought she would actually do it. She would attack a fellow Guard, someone not even under her palm? It seemed too mad to be true. Only Wilkes catching her, while Tripps stayed behind to save my life, proved that it is true. I don’t think I will believe it until I see her in a cell, until I hear her say the words.
Tripps told me plainly - Nadia is pissed. I almost laughed at his bluntness. When everyone else is treating me so carefully, he is just being himself. That doesn’t mean he isn’t concerned. He watched my back so I could sit without having to fear Borgio being so close. I won’t believe that the Corsair wasn’t acting in his anger until I see her stand trial without his interference. What would Borgio say to her with no one listening?
I’m at Kelly’s again. Raiden is asleep, so I crept out to the balcony to write. I’ll return this book to Yew when I can stand in Stonekeep again without holding my breath. The inquisitor on my trial will look as closely into my sins as Nadia’s, and I’m not keen to be branded and whipped. That isn’t even my biggest concern, though. My question is... Do I want Nadia to die? Raiden seemed surprised when I didn’t agree right away that I do. But how can I? She wanted me to die so badly. What if I wanted the same of her and it was snatched away as surely as Tripps snatched me from death’s grasp? What then?
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Post by Aries Harper on Jul 25, 2018 8:37:48 GMT
I’m sitting in the Yew Courthouse as I write this. I’ve just written my statement to the inquisitor. My hand shook as I remembered the day of Tripps’ large hunt with the Covians. It was a perfect day, the first good day after I learned that Raiden was married. Only one thing stole my joy on that day. While Siuan and Tiberius sat talking, Nadia looked at them from across the room. She said, “Tib, keep your hands off my Waywatchers. I’m going to start having to stab a few of you.”
It was the first time I really thought she might hurt one of us. It was the last time I saw her before she did.
It’s so large and empty here. I can’t imagine that in a few days, people will gather and listen to this tale. Pickles or Leanne, I can’t remember which, said they would show up to give her a proper Covian booing. I really hate attention - natural for a Waywatcher, I think - and it’s been heaped on me starting in the market. After Sunday, maybe it will end.
When I ran into Siuan for the first time after, she asked if I lived in Cove now - but I don’t feel unsafe among the Guardsmen. When she asked me to see where Nadia got me I was afraid to turn my back on her, but I forced myself to do it. She had just pulled my backside out of the fire with some creep in a robe, someone faster and a lot less injured than me. She had two chances if she wanted them. The tale she told me afterward washed away any doubts I had about her... But it isn’t mine to tell.
I don’t know if I’ll see Raiden again before the trial, or when I’ll see him after. When I’m with him he’s all I see, and for now I have other things to look after.
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Post by Aries Harper on Jul 29, 2018 9:32:11 GMT
Everything has been happening so fast I can barely think. As Nadia had people offering to break her out, manipulated Watchmen in Cove and made confession that will undoubtedly be more about my sins than hers, I floated along, pretending to be untouched by it all. I thought that the enormity of her crime would eclipse anything I’ve done. Maybe it would have, but I can’t sit around and hope. I made things right as much as I could. There is still more to be done, things that will look bad when I admit them because I took so long to do so. I have no answer for myself. Perhaps it is best if I say nothing.
The trial makes me afraid. I am a private person. Even here I feel like I am hiding my thoughts. Before the attending Covians, I don’t know what I will have to admit. Nadia will hurt me as much as she possibly can. She could try to take him from me even still, to make me admit to something that would cause them all to doubt me.
But no. Everyone sees it. Even Tripps sees it. Raiden has promised we will see it through. He’s never given me reason to doubt him. I’m not going to start now. Tonight we will walk away together, whatever happens. She tried, and failed, and proved how short life is. No one will keep me from him now. We've been so happy. I know we can be that happy again.
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Post by Aries Harper on Aug 3, 2018 9:44:49 GMT
There were so many things I was afraid to say at trial. I didn’t want the Covians to hear that I used to report on Raiden. I didn’t want to have to answer the question of what I would do if I were ordered to assassinate him, even if my answer would be a lie. But the one thing I never expected to say was that he was married. How did Lady D’Gar think to ask that question? Where was she going with it? I’ll never know now, and it doesn’t matter. I am sure all the Covians knew, but I would never have spoken about it.
Railen. Her name was Railen. Hearing it didn’t touch me the way I thought it would. Instead I only felt sad for him. I didn’t show it, but when Mischief offered to find an appropriate corpse to pass it off as her, I felt sick. He loved her. He still loves her. How could she think that I would ever say that to him?
To him . Raiden. The man I’m going to marry, apparently. I was nervous, but then I found a card from so long ago amongst all my belongings. Seeing it quieted my worries.
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